Theodore "Teddy" Roosevelt is considered one of the greatest presidents in American history. His efforts guided the country through hard times and saw the first steps in preservation of the wilderness. Roosevelt is remembered as a fighter, adventurer, and enigmatic speaker. But, as a child he was sickly and endured a personal hardship early in life that could have destroyed him.
Roosevelt's father had encouraged him to exercise as a child and through hard work and determination he grew and became the adventurer that we know in the history books. Growing up his next door neighbor was a young girl by the name of Edith Kermit Carow. The two enjoyed time together on a regular basis, and Roosevelt's sister Corine was Edith's best friend. However this close relationship ended when Roosevelt went to Harvard and the two lived separate lives.
Roosevelt met Alice Hathaway Lee, the daughter of a prominent New England banking family, and fell in love. He proposed and she refused. Undaunted Roosevelt persisted and Lee accepted on the second proposal. The two were married on Roosevelt's 22nd birthday. Roosevelt was serving in the New York State Assembly as the birth of their child was approaching. Just prior to the due date Alice became ill. On February 11th 1884 she wrote to Roosevelt assuring her that he should not worry and the doctor was not concerned over her illness. On the 12th she sent a telegram informing him that their daughter had been born, then a second telegram arrived for Roosevelt informing him that Alice's health was failing. He immediately left to be with her, arriving on the 13th. He held vigil for his dying wife, and that of his mother who was dying in the same home on the first floor. His mother would die of typhoid fever, and his wife of Bright's disease (kidney disease) on the 14th. Roosevelt was destroyed. His diary had one entry for that day. A large X and the words,
"The light has gone out of my life"
The epitaph he included on his wife's memorial read,
"For joy or for sorrow my life has now been lived out."
Roosevelt would never again look at a photo of his lost wife. He immediately gave them all away and would rarely mention her name again. He left his daughter in the care of his sister Anna and spent two years traveling trying to escape his personal tragedy.
A letter Roosevelt wrote to a friend of Corrinne's, who had lost a loved one, explained Roosevelt's method of dealing with loss.
"I hate to think of her suffering; but the only thing for her to do now is to treat it as past, the event as finished and out of her life; to dwell on it, and above all to keep talking of it with any one, would be both weak and morbid. She should try not to think of it; this she cannot wholly avoid, but she CAN avoid speaking of it. She should show a brave and cheerful front to the world, whatever she feels; and henceforth she should never speak one word of the matter to any one. In the long future, when the memory is too dead to throb, she may, if she wishes, speak of it once more, but if wise and brave, she will not speak of it now."
Roosevelt indicated that this was his only way of dealing with such a loss.
"There is nothing more foolish and cowardly than to be beaten down by a sorrow which nothing we can do will change."
Much to the dismay of his daughter he did not speak of Alice and even excluded mention of her in his autobiography. His biographer, Edmund Morris, summed it up best.
"Like a lion obsessively trying to drag a spear from its flank, Roosevelt set about dislodging Alice Lee from his soul. Nostalgia, a weakness to which he was abnormally vulnerable, could be indulged if it was pleasant, but if painful it must be suppressed, 'until the memory is too dead to throb.'"
A year after Alice's death Roosevelt ran into Edith at his sister's home. They began seeing each other again and on November 17th 1885 Roosevelt proposed and was accepted. For appearance's sake they delayed the announcement, and were married on December 2nd 1886 at a quiet ceremony in London. After a 15 week honeymoon they returned to New York and began a close and happy life together. Teddy finally retrieved his daughter (also named Alice) and had five additional children with Edith.
-Professor Walter
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